A Client Success Story: Tair, Helsinki

Tair came to me recommended by a mutual friend.

After having stopped training for a couple of years, he noticed he was getting out of shape and didn’t want to end up fat and ugly at 40 (his words, not mine). Working long hours at his job while no longer possessing the humming metabolism of an 18-year-old – coupled with lack of strenuous physical activity – had lead to adding fat onto his formerly slim, although not very muscular frame.

When I asked him about his goals, he told me the following:

- Build muscle

- Burn fat

- Get stronger

- Learn about nutrition: how to eat properly and have a healthy lifestyle

So basically he repeated what every client of mine wants to achieve. The good thing was Tair already knew how to do the big barbell lifts since this is a prerequisite for online coaching clients. All we needed to do on that front was tweaking his technique and he was good to go.

This allowed us to dial in the nutrition part for a body recomp with muscle gain as the main objective in the relatively short amount of time I was given to produce results (13 weeks).

Weight: 72.3kg -> 76.4kg (+4.1kg)

Waist: 80cm -> 77.5cm (-2.5cm)

Deadlift: 55kg x5 -> 125kg x5

Squat: 30kg x5 -> 90kg x4

Bench Press: 50kg x5 -> 80kg x4

Because of his 2-year hiatus from lifting weights (and training in general), I had him start very light so that he could hone his technique and get back into the groove, which would allow him to make solid progress on a weekly basis. One mistake I often notice beginners and those coming back after a layoff do is that they start too heavy, plateau quickly and then lose motivation.

Furthermore, the rather impressive jump up in numbers was not merely a consequence of gaining back lost strength.

For reference, his best numbers previously when he used to train on his own were 90kg on the deadlift and 60kg on the squat for reps, both of which he clearly blew right past within the 3 months we worked together.

Strength gains across the board on all other exercises as well.

As this project was a decent example of simultaneous muscle gain and fat loss accompanied by new PR’s, I decided to ask Tair about his experience for those of you interested.

Q1. What was your fitness/training/nutrition background like before working with me?

Woman. Tell Me One More Time Lifting Weights Makes You Big And Bulky, And I’ll Commit Autoerotic Asphyxiation.

Women are small, frail, helpless creatures incapable of performing even remotely challenging physical activities.

There.

I said it.

As much as you’re itching to barge into my room and rip my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles posters off the wall for being a chauvinistic asshole, consider that the above is the exact same message women are being fed non-stop everywhere.

Whether it’s a celebrity trainer declaring “No woman should lift weights heavier than 3 pounds!” or your Pilates instructor saying “There’s no better way to tone those mucles and shed bodyfat than the control, the grace, the elegance, the precision of the exercise. A bicep curl is a bicep curl – but a Pilates bicep curl starts by engaging your core first, creating stability in your Being before anything else moves. That’s the power of Pilates.”, women are being labeled as weak individuals who – for their own benefit – are best kept inside this invisible bubble consisting of cushy exercises, gently wrapped up with absurd nonsense.

You know, she might just get too strong and muscular if she deadlifted her weight for reps, so let’s put her on the treadmill instead. There ya go girl, have a granola bar and a Gatorade while you’re at it.

A female client once mentioned in passing how she’d “die to get Kate Moss’ body”. I immediately dropkicked her in the face and made her do push-up/burpees until she passed out.* That’ll teach her to never utter such bollocks in my presence ever again.

This is Kate Moss...

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for the enhancement of female physiques. After all, summer’s around the corner and nothing fills me with more bliss than trim babes with big, round glutes in short skirts filling the city landscape. I know. I’m such a hopeless romantic.

Movements, Not Muscles

One particularly deeply ingrained concept among personal trainers is designing programs around muscles instead of movements. I’ve no idea how this all started. All I know is it leads to shitty programs where clients – who already spend most of their days in a seated position staring at a screen – are instructed to sit some more when they come to the gym.

Moreover, most training plans I’ve seen do not contain enough full body movements, heavily emphasize pressing over pulling (a great way to cause postural imbalances) and too much clutter and junk volume in general. Adding a 6th set of cable flyes into the plan requires a more reasonable purpose than “my trainer looks buff and he said four sets will not cause enough muscular fatigue, yo”.

Here’s what this typically looks like on paper:

Workout 1 – Upper Body

1. Bench press

2. Incline bench press

3. Seated DB press

4. Lat pulldown

5. Cable or DB flyes

6. Various exercises for biceps and triceps from at least 3 different angles

7. 1000 crunches on a BOSU ball

Workout 2 – Lower body

1. Half squats in the Smith machine (because deep squats with free weights are “dangerous for your knees”)

2. Knee extension machine

3. Leg curl machine

4. Abductor/adductor machines

5. Seated DB shrugs

6. Lunges until you puke or die (whichever comes first)

So what’s wrong with that approach, you may ask. Oh, nothing. Just like there’s nothing wrong with eating a bowl of anthrax for breakfast.

It’s plain retarded.

First of all, the majority of these exercises are performed on machines. And contrary to what the manager might tell you during your first visit to his facility – right after showing you the vending machine, informing that Monday is pizza night and before pushing that 2-year contract with a no-release clause under your nose – they’re not “safer” than free weights. It merely indicates he and his staff are too lazy to learn the basic barbell and bodyweight movements. Demonstrating to a clueless beginner how the pec deck machine works requires way less effort.

Quick! Someone pull out a can of pepper spray and maze my eyeballs. I can't watch this BS anymore.

7 Reasons Why You Should Conquer Hills

I first discovered running hills on a sunny summer day several years ago, prompted by the sight of a huge hill right next to the house I was living in at the moment. Gazing up at the top looming somewhere awfully far away from the foot of the precipitous incline where I was standing, sprinting up the hill seemed like the most badass thing to do.

I guess I truly got lucky in that department since a track & field stadium was located in the ‘hood as well… which meant running steep, long-ass stairs up in the rafters while Eye of the Tiger was turned on repeat on my Creative MuVo mp3 player (ah, the memories!).

Ever since that summer hills and stairs have become a staple in my training, save for the time I spent in Berlin where the Allied Forces had apparently bombed currywurst-munching krauts and their entire infrastructure to the ground in World War II, thus leaving the whole place as flat as Heidi Montag prior to a gazillion boob jobs.

This past week I realized I’ve been too much of a pussy considering I’ve been comfortably avoiding hard conditioning outside ever since winter took over like Osama eluded the Yanks after 9/11 in a million dollar mansion in Pakistan, and headed over to a hill to rectify the situation.

Snow and coldness are a rather pathetic excuse for postponing an activity you know is good for you. Check out this article and this article for some hill sprints 101.

Below are 7 more reasons why it’s time to get back on track, find your sprinting mojo again and become a tad more awesome by the day.

5 Tips For Better Sleep

I can’t tell you how often I see people fucking up their progress by getting too little shuteye. I’ve had clients averaging 4 hours a night due to a variety of reasons – kids, work, stress, general ignorance. You name it.

You think they had enough energy for training? You think they supported heavy training through proper nutrition, much less planned for it?

Hell no.

They got sick ever so often. Stalled in the weight room. Ate whatever they could get their hands on at the moment.

If there was only one thing to fix in your recovery right-fawking-now, it would be this:

Make sure you get 8-9 hours of sleep every night.

Yeah, I know. You can’t. CSI is on. And you gotta get up early for work.

Fuck off.

When you were a kiddo, you got bigger and stronger by eating a ton of food and napping like a narcoleptic dog. Who changed the rules now that you’re a “grown-up”?

Today I’m gonna keep things short, sweet and simple – Vida Guerra style.

Here are my top 5 ways for becoming a sleeping beauty…

1. Make bedroom as cool, dark and quiet as possible.

Pull down the shades, use ear plugs if need be. Adjust the heat – slightly chilly is mucho bueno. Toss out all electrical devices.

The bedroom is only for getting in the Z’s (and O’s), not watching late night talk shows or skimming through unanswered e-mails (see #3).

Rehab Is Not Only For Heroin Addicts: The Shoulder Edition

When you go heavy enough, long enough something’s gonna give way. Sooner or later.

That’s the risk every athlete assumes when practising their craft, and this holds especially true for a strength athlete (including those who wouldn’t be considered an athlete but tend to train like one – like myself).

I was unfortunate enough to add my name to the long list of shoulder ail victims caused by the evil culprit also known as the bench press. Luckily though, I had been expecting something like this after having witnessed too many guys complain about how the bench fucked up their joints, so I vowed not to try and fight through the pain if I ever fell pray to a nagging shoulder injury.

Contrary to every single meathead bro I’ve ever known who continued benching despite shoulder aches, I took the other path, ditched the bench and started rehab like a trembling heroin addict. Robert Downey Jr. would have been so proud of me.

Although this video below will inevitably cause some unexpected bursts of laughter, the rehab exercises are great. Just ignore the spandex, overall queery atmosphere (1:58 is my favorite) and any possible homoerotic images incited by your filthy mind. This shit works. I promise.

Saturday Night Fever

There’s a huge misconception going around that training is supposed to be fun.

It’s not. At least not in the sense it’s intended for your typical gym-goer who reads magazines in between sets and ogles chicks doing squats.

When you look at Zumba classes, Abswings, the AirClimber or various other comparable “let’s make fitness fun” schemes aimed at the general couch potato population, one thing becomes clear:

In that type of setting fun precedes smart, result-oriented training by a mile. And if you deem how effective a session was based on how sweaty you got, how cute the instructor guy/gal was, whether those 100 reps on air squats will give you a nice pump afterwards or whatever it is they do in some silly group exercise class, you need to spray yourself straight in the eyes with the wintery freshness of mace.

Fun – at least in my mind – means pushing yourself to and beyond your previous limits, not letting discomfort or pain stop you as you strive to unbind the shackles of mediocrity and finally exceeding your goals over and over again.

Guys who possess a similar mindset and work ethic are hard to come by since nobody wants to put in any effort these days. I had the chance to spend last Saturday with my good buddy and training partner Teemu for an ample serving of no-nonsense lifting and getting innovative with exercises such as Zercher carries, 1 arm bench presses and TRX sprints (which look easy but are anything but) for dessert.

Hard? You bet.

Fun? Fo sho.

Kicking Ass Sarah Connor Style: A Female Client Success Story

Started with Maria back in October 2011 when she came in for a week to learn the big barbell lifts. A few months passed by without hearing from her until she sent me the following update last week.

“My training is progressing nicely! I finished the first phase of The Fat Bastard’s Guide to Getting Lean in December. I missed a week due to having the flu and some work related stuff kept interfering with my sessions, so I wasn’t as consistent as I could have been.

After that I started the second phase in early January, and now possess more dedication and energy than ever before!

I’ve conditioned myself up to the point where I no longer miss any planned sessions. Don’t even feel like it since training has become a priority in my life. The less important stuff can wait.”

My results so far: I’ve built muscle, gotten stronger and visibly leaner, and feel awesome. I’ve managed to continuously add weight to the bar. When I first started with you, my deadlift was 55 kg and now it’s 70 kg [Editor's note: sets and reps are currently 3x3]. The squat has progressed the fastest, going from 35 kg up to 70 kg [3x8]. My bench is dragging a bit, at the moment I use 35 kg.”

A 35 kg increase on the squat in 3 months is huge. Though I must say that Maria had the best technique for a female without any prior barbell training under her belt I’ve ever seen. A few simple coaching cues and she was set – on all exercises. I’m very pleased with her progress.

“Overall, I feel great! It’s as if I’m a completely different person now and I’m glad I’m doing this! As flamboyant as the following might sound, I can honestly say that that one week last fall when I had the chance to train with you and you taught me how to perform the basic exercises, has changed my life.”

Badass Exercises You Ain’t Doing Part 1

I’ve been murdering the weights with a newly found vigor for the past week after having gone through a deload. This led, among others, to a new 8RM on the deadlift. Plus, I started including cool shit such as monkey pull-ups, 1 arm snatches and 1 arm deadlifts at the end of my sessions just for the hell of it.

Training is supposed to be fun, dammit!

Today I’m gonna introduce you to an amazing exercise I’ve yet to see performed live inside a gym.

Probably because most people are weak pussies, having an innate abhorrence for all things hard and demanding. Thus, it’s no wonder the majority of the mentally decayed members of our wonderful Facebook/Twitter/Myspace society would get their ass whooped in a fistfight against a cardboard cutout of Hanna Montana.

Farmer’s walks are a full body man-maker exercise.