This Ain’t Oprah’s Goddamn Book Club Part 3: Eating Animals

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that most diseases could be prevented (or at least significantly reduced) by paying more attention to what we eat.

It is a never-ending source of stupefaction to me how marginally aware people are of what they should be eating to look and feel better, and how little effort they invest into getting that part of their life handled. Sure, when you’re a 20-something youngster your metabolism is still revving like a Ferrari FXX engine and you can get away with frequently feasting on pizza and beer without getting too fat. All ya’ll college undergrads know what I’m sayin’.

Certainly, this does nothing to encourage healthy eating patterns as we grow older (and hopefully a tad wiser). It’s only after they no longer fit in their favorite clothes that people might start thinking about what goes into their mouths.

And when I talk about “eating healthy” I don’t solely mean how it affects your appearance.

From a body composition standpoint there probably isn’t much difference between eating factory farmed or grass-fed meat. Protein is protein. But what about organ health, life energy or hormonal changes – things we can’t measure with body fat calipers – over the long term?

If you’re getting all riled up when talking heads on TV announce the next supposed influenza pandemic has spread from a tiny village somewhere in Japan all the way to your neighbourhood and rush to the ER to get vaccinated because you’re convinced you’ll drop dead within the next 48 hours without receiving an injection, then I guarantee your immune system is fucked. As is your ability to function like a rational human being by applying critical thinking in the midst of a collective frenzy but that’s another rant for another day.

Now I’m not a doctor or anything and the following does not constitute medical advice. But if you’re lifting heavy, eating mostly “good stuff” and keeping stress down at manageable levels then you can laugh at the gullible schmucks who let mass hysteria affect their judgment by waiting hours in lines for 27 different vaccinations that ultimately only benefited the pharma industry’s bottom line as was the case with H1N1.

The human body is marvelous in the sense that it will take care of you if you take good care of it. Your immune system will be ready to lay waste to any intruding virus with the wrath of Frank Castle as long as you look after it.

Thus, I impel you to be a beacon of intellectual light in your circle of influence. Become the person who invests in his health and gains at least a basic understanding of what food is, how it’s manufactured, what it contains etc. so that you no longer need to take silly advice from overweight friends or colleagues who are eagerly dishing out ”health tips” based on hearsay.

This Ain’t Oprah’s Goddamn Book Club Part 2: Should I Eat The Yolk?

So there I was perusing the contents of my library, agonizing over which book would be featured in this second installment of my recently established book club since I was having an immensely hard time figuring out the perfect fit among so many quality choices, including but not limited to:

Pets Who Want to Kill Themselves, Anybody Can Be Cool… But Awesome Takes Practice and Lesbian Sadomasochism: Safety Manual.

You know, all the classics.

Disclaimer: I’ve nothing to gain by recommending or not recommending a certain book. All opinions are unbiased and these reviews simply stem from the fact I like to read a lot and write down my thoughts. Yes, I’m geeky like that.

Background

“Jamie Hale is Sports Conditioning Coach, outdoor enthusiast, fitness and nutrition consultant. He has contributed to numerous exercise and sports publications (nationally and internationally). He has authored six books. Jamie is a member of the World Marital Arts Hall of Fame in recognition of his conditioning work with Martial Artists.”

This Ain’t Oprah’s Goddamn Book Club Part 1: Never Let Go

I have been told getting in a cardio session on a treadmill while watching Oprah is a great way to unwind after a stressful day at work.

I have also been told Tawny Kitaen was an 80′s stunner who appeared in several music videos for Whitesnake and went on to date lead singer David Coverdale – a feat that is damn hard to comprehend if you’ve seen her pictures after a plastic surgery gone horribly wrong.

On that account, I refuse to accept assertions of watching talk shows while training to be an enjoyable, beneficial pastime. That’s like saying you’re being productive when you’re CC’ing funny Youtube videos around the office.

(Seriously. This guy is hilarious. I don’t care what you say.)

And since we’re already talking about Oprah… apparently her book club has over 2 million members which – seeing how they’ve got lists like ”Books foodies will love” – is as perplexing as the plot in a David Lynch movie to me.

(What the hell is a “foodie” anyway? Is it some chic expression used to describe a fat female who can’t control her urge of chowing down every food item in sight? Somebody please enlighten me on this.)

I’ve decided to start my own book club, too.

If a black woman from rural Mississippi is capable of amassing a net worth of 2.7 billion dollars via discussing literature, self-improvement and spirituality on TV, and thereupon can get millions of females so emotionally riled up that websites crash and books are being sold out as they devotedly follow her recommendations, I believe I have a fair shot at replicating her success.

Now all I gotta do is piss off a bunch of women by telling them what they’re doing right now for their fitness and health is not very optimal – stop that excess running for fuck’s sake! – which, as any straight guy would attest to, shouldn’t be too big of a challenge, get them all worked up about finding a better solution for reaching their goals (grab a barbell, load it up and lift it; now lift it again; again), lure them into giving me their credit card info and laugh all the way to the bank as I’m making my first billion in the process.

Suh-weet! This is gonna be easier than I thought.

In this series I’m gonna be reviewing books related to strength training, nutrition, fitness and possibly other works worthy of extended scrutiny or out of personal interest.

I have a feeling it’s going to be hot.

How hot?

Well, imagine Nicole Scherzinger in camiknickers spoon-feeding a beef vindaloo to Spice Girls in a sauna in Bangkok. That’s half as hot as this entry.

Disclaimer: I’ve nothing to gain by recommending or not recommending a certain book. All opinions are unbiased and these reviews simply stem from the fact I like to read a lot and write down my thoughts. Yes, I’m geeky like that.

Top 10 Songs Of All Time: Killswitch Engage

Kids these days have no clue about what constitutes great training music. No worries if you’re perplexed as well tho, since below are some marvelous choices to pick from.

Top 20 Training Songs For The Gym 16-20

Top 20 Training Songs For The Gym 11-15

Top 20 Training Songs For The Gym 6-10

Top 20 Training Songs For The Gym 1-5

I recently asked a few acquaintances what they’ve got blasting on their iPods during workouts. The answers ranged from dance (Tiesto, David Guetta) and R’n'B/hip hop (Usher, Eminem, 50 Cent) all the way to classic rock (Guns N’ Roses, AC/DC, Scorpions) but nobody I questioned paid homage to hard rock/heavy metal.

I dunno about you but if a gym is playing your typical pop/rock songs (as they without fail do) and my mp3 player is nowhere to be found, I might as well skip the session altogether and head straight home. As much as I like Tiesto (my favorite in his genre along with ATB), anything softer than Metallica/Iron Maiden in the weight room won’t cut it. Those great bands will suffice for accessory work but even they gotta take the backseat when going for PR’s on main lifts.

As of late I’ve been tapping into the insanity within my mind (trust me, plenty of crazy in there) with the help of Killswitch Engage. There’s a fine line between pulling off razor-sharp, borderline genius guitar riffs alongside aggressive yet enjoyable, throat-rustling singing and merely irritating the hell outta your ears when combining metal with screamo vocals.

I consider Howard Jones the best in the business when it comes to throwing together soft, smooth lyrics and testosterone-soaring, hell-on-wheels, annihilate-thy-enemy-and-their-entire-heritage onslaught in the same song.

Now that Jones is out of the group (as of January 2012), let’s take a trip down memory lane and reminisce about the TOP 10 songs of this fantastic band.

Turn the speakers up, bring out your old air guitar from the basement and wait ’til the police arrive to confiscate your computer for a severe case of 415-2 (Google “415-2 police code” if you aren’t geeky enough to get the reference).

10. Holy Diver

I guarantee Dio himself would approve of this cover. All balls to the wall after 2:17.

Excuse Me, Do I Look Like Mark Rippetoe?

The plot thickens.

I had been aware of the fact that there’s a lotta bickering, petty name calling and under the breath talking going on in the fitness business but never fully understood why until I received my own fair share of it.

Even now I’m having a hard time grasping what drives someone to start online brawls when our focus should be on helping people make their lives and bodies more awesome through proper training and nutrition info.

Apparently this was not the case with a certain female who, after spewing scientifically invalid theories in spite of an overwhelming amount of anecdotal evidence pointing to the contrary, observed mainly in weightlifters and other strength athletes all over the world, simply shrugged off my arguments regarding squatting technique, depth, frequency etc. with this following clever, obnoxious line on my Facebook wall:

“Right, and with my doctorate, and your online education, I’ll be sure to recommend people to you so I get more business :)”

After briefly having pondered about her ulterior motives for acting like a bratty kid, her amusing holier-than-thou attitude and whose knob she had been sucking in order to get those online brass balls to be talking shit about others in the utmost disrespectful manner, I went about my business and had all but forgotten about the whole incident until the other day when I – much like an alert-minded protagonist in a John Grisham novel – felt that something was not fitting in the bigger picture.

Her claim about me having been in this business for 35 years.

I was racking my brain over it and finally came to the conclusion that the only person with a track record of that magnitude I know of is Mark Rippetoe, pictured here with two revolvers.

Much like a younger, more suave version of Robert Downey Jr. – aided by unmatchable Holmesian sharpness – I quickly reasoned that all along she had been referring to this article on squatting by Rippetoe which I had merely posted up because I thought it was a damn good read, preventing beginners from squatting the wrong way.

So in essence, what had happened was she thought I was Mark Rippetoe.

Popping Cherries: My First Online Hater

As I logged into my Facebook account on Thursday morning, I was literally in for quite a rude awakening. Some random woman called Laura Steffen whom I’ve never heard of had posted the following lines on my wall:

“No you don’t know how to squat. Your lack of physical assesment of any kind in your story about the guy who came to the gym. The poor guy you so “taught” how to squat may have really been hurt by you. Deep squatting takes the spine out of neutral and that is very dangerous. You are also telling people to continually load on each and every workout. This does not allow enough time for muscle growth, let alone ligament and tendon growth.

You claim you have done this for 35 years and have had thousand of success stories, and based on that you continue to practice deep loaded squatting. You ignore the science that is telling you that you are repeatedly loading the discs of the lower lumbar spine and will eventually cause failure, and that’s a scientific fact!!!”

Now at first I thougt this was some troll or fake account taking the piss out of me (you wouldn’t believe the amount of spam I get on my blog) but soon came to the conclusion that a real person had come to my page bashing me – I was left amused and bewildered at the same time.

It took me a moment to get my head straight and realize her ramblings were a response to a post I’d written a few weeks back and had to go through what she had written one more time to fully comprehend that she was basically telling me everything I thought I knew about squatting was wrong.

My answer to her:

“Laura, it’s comments like this that make me smile. Thanks for the info, I’ll take heed. BTW, the Bulgarian and Chinese Olympic lifters seem to do just fine squatting daily. You might also wanna check out John Broz and his trainees in the U.S. Your theory about daily deep loaded squatting “causing failure” or “not allowing enough time for muscle growth” goes outta window right there.

Your arrogance coming here and stirring bullshit when you haven’t bothered checking your facts is preposterous, bar none. There’s so much wrong in your statements that I’ll better leave it at that since I don’t really enjoy bashing people on Facebook – unlike you. Thanks for the comedic input tho, made my day. That’s all.”

Random Thoughts: November 2011

Horrible bosses.

Best comedy of the year!

Kevin Spacey can play an asshole like the best of them (jeez, that sounded weird upon proof-reading). Jamie Foxx as the murder consultant was hilarious.

And let’s not forget about Jennifer Aniston. What a minx!

Granted, she’s not the big glutes/round ass type of gal I normally go for but after seeing her in this movie she can sexually harass me any day of the week she wants. And I bet she would want to. A lot. I’m much more handsome than Charlie Day after all. Or Brad Pitt for that matter.

I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the 50 states

Will be interesting to see what’s gonna happen in a few years with Jen. My take is that she’ll be all MILF-a-licious at 50 and beyond.

Which makes Brad a fool.

World Cup of Hockey 1996.

Alright, so I found old recordings of the World Cup in ’96 a while ago. Man, does VHS suck… but of course we didn’t know it back then. The kiddos of today are being spoiled with HD.

My first real hockey memory stems from the ’94 Stanley Cup Finals as the Rangers beat the Canucks in Game 7 and Messier hoisted the Cup. Tikkanen, Leetch, Graves, Zubov… so many great players on that team. Richter was my favorite goalie growing up.

A few years after that we had the World Cup of Hockey which was played in 1996. I remember the finals between Canada and USA being tight and rough coast-to-coast hockey… but as I started watching them last weekend, I truly realized what epicness in hockey looks like.

This Shit’s Getting Wack

Alright so I had some spare time to kill last Friday between my own training session and coaching clients. Thanks to Wendler’s 531 my sessions now last 20-30 minutes.

I headed over to the magazine rack at Stockmann’s to shuffle through The Hockey News Yearbook because THN is one of the few reads where you can always expect quality in return for your money.

Will be interesting to see if Nugent-Hopkins can crack the line-up in his first year. I hope the Oilers don’t rush him though, like the Coyotes did with Turris or the Isles with Bailey. The kid’s gonna be a beast in a few years when he has added some muscle to his frame. Before the draft last summer the scouts said that there hasn’t been a player with vision like his since Joe Sakic… and everybody knows what an exceptional player Burnaby Joe was.

This lady in her 30′s came up to me asking for advice because she wanted to buy her husband a fitness magazine but somehow they all seemed to be full of shit with chiseled cover models and supplement ads diguised as training info.

Okay, she didn’t use the word “shit”. That would have been unladylike… but she meant to say it. I know she did.

The only thing these fitness magazines are good for is providing some solid eye candy... nice rack on that Sarah chick

In the end she proceeded to take home a running mag with her… which is pretty sad if you think of it.

“Regular people” have a hard time relating to the perfect – and considerably photoshopped – bodies portrayed in fitness magazines, so they’d rather buy something that is less intimidating… which is equally upsetting because we have so heavily been brainwashed into believing that running or jogging is the key to creating attractive, athletic bodies.

Random NHL Post Of The Week

It has begun. Yet another NHL season. I was rummaging through the confines of Youtube and found this wicked vid compiled by a fellow Finn. Goosebumps all over.